I Moustache You a Question
Q: Dear Captain Tash,
My husband has recently grown what some may describe as an ‘impressive’ handlebar moustache, however I fail to see what is so wonderful about it. I am not a fan, however, I am willing to live with it if someone can persuasively explain what is so wonderful about hair on a mans upper lip.
- Clueless Wife
A: You couldn’t have come to a better place when it comes to learning about ones love affair with the moustache. It sounds like your husband is in the honeymoon period with his tache. Many women unfortunately hold your personal view about moustaches, however, I do admire your willingness to learn why moustaches are important to many men.
For some men, the moustache is a symbol of masculinity, power and virility. Traditionally, male facial hair has acted as a visible sign of a boy entering manhood. Similarly, you could refer to a woman’s embracement of makeup as the female equivalent of displaying ones womanliness/adulthood.
For others the moustache is part of their identity, image or persona. Your husband maybe experimenting with his facial hair the way you would dye your hair for a change in image.
If I have failed in explaining the wonders of the moustache, you and your husband should try and find a middle ground regarding his facial hair. Maybe you could both select a more demure moustache, a style that works for both of you.
Q: Dear Captain Tash,
I am currently trying to grow a moustache, however, I am having a hard time getting past the ‘itchy’ phase. Do you have any tips on how I can stop the itch and keep the moustache?
- Sir itch-a-lot
A: The itch phase is terrible, especially for first time moustache growers. In order to ensure the survival of both your skin and the moustache I suggest you integrate the following into your man-beauty routine.
Firstly, you need to find a gentle shampoo and conditioner to strip the hairs of potential irritants and condition the bristles to prevent uncomfortable rubbing. Use the products the same way you would on your head. Remember that using some products will reverse the effect and dry out your hair and skin. To ensure a soft and shinny moustache, add a little baby oil and massage it through the hairs.
Secondly, so you don’t have to go through the arduous task of shampooing and conditioning everyday, you can wipe the moustache with a warm, damp towel. This will ensure the removal of dirt but not natural oils.
YOU MUST AVOID USING soap, lotions or any other products that may dry or irritate your skin. If you don’t wish to do the above, tough it out, man up and grow that mo.
Q: Dear Captain Tash,
I am having troubles keeping food, dried skin and remnants of drinks from maintaining residence in my moustache, how can I clear it of these unwelcomed guests?
- Hotel al la Moustache
A: Ah the awful realisation that having a moustache can result in unwanted guests. However, there is no need to fret, you can clear out the guests without ripping down the hotel.
Flakes: To get rid of both skin and food flakes I suggest you get a dry toothbrush and brush your tache in many different directions ensuring the removal of all flakes
Cleaning: Employ the same cleaning techniques you would use on your head. Never use soap or other products that could dry your moustache and always use a good shampoo and conditioner at least one a week
Eating tip: When taking your moustache out for a meal, treat it like you would a date. Be careful, polite and delicate. Avoid allowing liquids or semi viscous items from coming into contact with your moustache. Similarly, be conscious of crumbs when consuming crumbly items. Always wipe your moustache after eating!!
Q: Dear Captain Tash,
I am what you might call 'mo-challenged', whereby growing a moustache is a painstakingly long and patchy process. Can I make hair grow where it has never grown before? Or will I forever be without the love of a moustache?
- No-tache
A: Unfortunately ones facial hair quantity and growth rate does depend heavily on ones genetics, however this does not mean you have to give up on your tache dream.
Genetic defying growth - There are a few tricks that could help in your quest to be tache-rific:
- Increase vitamins A, B1, B3, B6, B12, C in your diet as a nutrient and protein rich diet will help
- Stay calm and be well rested. Stress can alter normal bodily functions including the growth of your hair
- Exercise regularly which will result in an increased blood flow to your face
- Keep your skin clean and your pores clear. This allows the hair follicles to reach the surface rather than being trapped under dirt and oil
If you are willing to try something a little unconventional, shave your face and rub raw onion into your pores. This is not a tested method but has proven to work for some in the maintenance of a full head of hair.
If the above tips do not help you can consult an endocrinologist to test your hormone levels or just buy a fake moustache and make it your own. No matter what the circumstances are, everyone is entitled to a mo.
